Sidney’s Essay- 150 Word Note Writing Prompt 2
For your paper, I thought that the overall idea was good but there were some revisions that should be made. One of the things that I thought you should fix is either adding the third author’s summary into the introduction paragraph or deleting all three of the author’s summaries and placing them into your individual paragraphs first mention each author. I felt like because you were already comparing two authors, the third author could also be added or just deleted from the introduction because it might affect the flow by mentioning them here. Another area you should focus on is based around the two naysayer paragraphs. I felt like you should elaborate more and add your opinion into these paragraphs because they didn’t really seem to connect back to your thesis or helped your overall argument. Also, maybe you should combine these two paragraphs because they seemed out of place when they were standing on their own. Your ideas in the body paragraphs were really good, but by fixing these problems I mentioned and elaborating more would improve your essay.
